I had another new experience today. I watched Sky Pirates! This is an Aussie film that came out in the mid-eighties. It was basically trying to be the Aussie Raiders of the Lost Ark. I remembered seeing the adverts for it and every time I saw them, thinking "That looks sucky, I don't want to see that!"
Oh for the wisdom I had in my youth!
Sky Pirates wants to be Raiders so much! It's set in the forties during the war, it's got a rough and ready hero type, strange mystical artifacts, chases... What it lacks is a coherent plot. Seriously, there are moments that make no sense, where things are explained away with a line, where things are brought up like we've already been told this vital piece of info. My favourite major plot WTF moment features the five surviving heroes getting on board their inflatable raft to head for shore. The next shot has a voice over from the hero who says that he's now keeping a journal, they've been at sea for a few days and have lost two of the others! Please, oh God, please tell me that they filmed stuff and it got lost or damaged... or that the effects or direction for that scene was so bad they figured you were better off without it... because if that was in the original script then why aren't myself and several other people writing Australian movies?
I know it's twenty years later, but I still see things like this in modern Aussie flicks. But I digress. Needless to say, that is also the first and last mention of his journal.
As you would expect, the film has other massive logic errors. Like after a big fight on a truck (lifted straight from Raiders) the hero and heroine are in control of the vehicle, with one last bad guy, hanging onto the front of the truck for dear life. The hero approaches his destination and goes through the gates with bad guy still on the front. Now that's fair enough. The guy was pretty messed up anyway, using him as a battering ram is a great way of making sure he's out of the picture. But the hero has a better idea. Don't slow down or stop, just aim the truck at parked petrol truck and then risk injury by jumping out of the moving vehicle! The two trucks collide, with generic bad guy on the front, and boom!
I'm keeping my copy of Sky Pirates. Because the next bastard who says that Sons of Steel is bad, I'm gunna make them watch this. SoS has a plot you can follow and is much, much better made. In fact, I may treat myself to a viewing of Sons of Steel this week *happy sigh*