It was the first job I was given for the year, I got it back in bloody July! Santa's Magical Arrival! I've been looking forward to this one for months. It's a four hour round trip to do it, but I didn't care because I loved working at Woodgrove.
And that bloody Magician is what has cost me the job.
Early this week I got word that he wouldn't be making me appear after all. He wanted to use his own Santa for the actual magic part of the act, then that guy would wander offstage and I would come out and do the rest. I was disappointed, but I could understand his point of view. We'd only have a very short amount of rehearsal time and if anything went wrong it could bugger up the act. Fair enough. I'd still get to go to Melton. I remember the names of a number of the kids there, so I was hoping to see some of them and give them the buzz of St. Nick greeting them by name. Plus I have relatives in the area with small children that were planning to come along. I was going to be able to give all them the same thrill! Father Christmas knows mum and dad! He knows my name!
Today I get a phone call. Woodgrove has had a think and realised that they don't need two Santas at all. The Magician is providing a guy, they'll use him. Now, I fully understand their point of view. There's no need to have two Kringles. And I had my doubts also, because if the guy that the Magician made appear was too radically different to me in weight or height, people would notice. So again, I can see their POV. And I still get paid because they cancelled out so late, so that's something. But I was really looking forward to this job. I passed up other jobs that would have paid more because they fell on the same day. Hell, if the magician had been making me appear, I would have done it for free.
And that's it, isn't it? When it comes down to it, it's all that fucking magician's fault. It was in my contract that I had to be available for rehearsals with him. Well, I was available, and where was he, huh? Off polishing his wand I'll wager. So my POV is through some very vengeful Santa glasses at the moment and I'll tell you this, the white St. Nick gloves are off.
He's been naughty. Very naughty...
So I'm gunna blow my nose on all his magic hankies, burn his flowers, tear up all his cards and pull all the sequins off his beautiful assistant's costumes! (Actually, that last one could be fun if she's wearing them...)
I'll break his wands, saw his mum in two, stick a ferret in with his rabbits and as for his doves... well Teriyaki Grilled Dove and Pearl Onions sounds good!
A word to the wise - Don't fuck with the big fat man in red!
PS He's not getting his bloody presents, either!