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Grump [Jul. 1st, 2009|11:50 am]
dalekboy
[Tags|, ]
[mood |depressed]

I've had an interesting few weeks, in the good way. My headaches stopped about a week/week-and-a-half ago, and I've gotten a lot done in that time.

Amongst other things, I made space in the library for Sharon's desk and computer, and moved it all so that we now no longer have a computer room but Lex has a bedroom. Lex also now claps when he hears the word 'clap,' and he seems to be enjoying swimming.

Working with the wonderful arcadiagt5, we've gotten the Chronos Awards sorted, and will be announcing the nominees as soon as we've gotten a couple of small details confirmed. And the awards are being designed and made by two fabulously talented folks in the special effects/model-making field, so they should be nice.

I've fixed the ceiling fan in the bathroom, been visited by some good friends, and sent out surprise presents to a small handful of others. Plus, I'm doing some fun panels at the upcoming Continuum 5, and I was able to justify the purchase of the original Night Stalker series, and seasons 1 & 2 of Supernatural for a panel I have planned for C6! These fall outside my yearly budget of $100 for DVDs, because I basically need them for research, so huge bonus (paid for out of shop profits, rather than household budget)!

So, why did I wake up so dreadfully depressed this morning? I mean seriously, why? It's one of the nastiest blue periods I had in ages, and I can think of no reason for it. But when I cracked open my eyes today, all I wanted to do was stay curled in a ball in bed all day and feel sorry for myself. Which is the worst thing you can do when depressed, I know. Best thing is to stay active, and fortunately I have a small child, and so can't avoid that :)


It's the annoying thing about depression, the fact that knowing you have no reason to feel this way doesn't help. You can't logic your way out. I remember Spike Milligan talking about how, when you're depressed, you're not the same person anymore, things don't work the same for you in that state as they do when you're not depressed.

And it's interesting because I can look at the list of stuff above, and the huge chunk of things that I couldn't be bothered popping into the list, and know that in this mindset they don't count for a fucking thing. The only things that count are the negatives, most of them small or entirely understandable. I'm not going to bother listing them, comparing the two lists would do no good, and mentioning them would only make me feel more dreadful.

Not after pity, in fact, pity and virtual hugs will only shit me and make me want to rip out your eyes and piss in the sockets. Just ranting, basically.
linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: kateorman
2009-07-01 03:19 am (UTC)
I was cured of a setback on Monday through the power of mindless physical activity at the gym and Black Sabbath's Iron Man.
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[User Picture]From: jocko55
2009-07-04 09:10 am (UTC)
There is something about about Heavy metal, always makes me feel better too.
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[User Picture]From: sjl
2009-07-01 03:31 am (UTC)
I'm vaguely reminded of a book about the black dog.

One of the pictures was of the guy, standing on the edge of the cliff, with the black dog. He throws a stick over the edge, and tells the dog to "Fetch!"
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[User Picture]From: ariaflame
2009-07-01 04:37 am (UTC)
I find that when in those moods that knowing it is a temporary down doesn't make me feel any less down. But it does provide an incentive to hold on and not do anything stupid in the meantime. Just a personal observation.
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From: gutter_monkey
2009-07-01 05:30 am (UTC)
Spending money on seasons 1 & 2 of Supernatural? I'm sure you've got lots of friends who mysteriously 'discovered' it on their computer who could have shared it with you.
I guess copyright morality comes with a price, eh?
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[User Picture]From: purrdence
2009-07-01 05:59 am (UTC)
If it's for 'work' (i.e. a panel), you reckon it could be tax deductable?
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From: gutter_monkey
2009-07-01 06:07 am (UTC)
Wait, Danny's getting paid to be on these panels?
Sweet, I'm gonna charge them for all the work I'm doing for them as well!!
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[User Picture]From: dalekboy
2009-07-01 10:31 am (UTC)
I offer sexual favours as payment.

The favour is that if you do the work, I'll promise not to play nudey prod games with you.
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[User Picture]From: purrdence
2009-07-01 12:33 pm (UTC)
Hence the ' '. You know, 'work' *wiggles fingers in air*.
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[User Picture]From: dalekboy
2009-07-01 10:29 am (UTC)
If I like a show I want to buy the proper releases and support it. Plus I wanted them for the extras and found one that was perfect for the panel. While Supernatural wasn't based on Night Stalker, Erik Kripke's first idea for the show was of a reporter travelling America, dealing with monsters, writing stories about it, and no-one ever believing him... which is so damned close to Night Stalker as makes no difference.
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[User Picture]From: pre_vet_girl
2009-07-01 05:43 am (UTC)
Yep, depression sucks. And positive thinking isn't all its cracked up to be:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/06/24/2607639.htm

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[User Picture]From: ariaflame
2009-07-01 06:20 am (UTC)
Woah. I didn't notice Mr Squiggle had turned 50. http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/07/01/2613501.htm
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[User Picture]From: hespa
2009-07-02 06:53 am (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: transcendancing
2009-07-01 07:13 am (UTC)
I'm having much the same day, though I would identify my feelings as stress rather than depression - although similar symptoms / thoughts / feelings today.
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[User Picture]From: curzon79
2009-07-02 09:40 am (UTC)
I believe at Swancon this year Lex was trying to get something and you said "not for you". That saying is still going over here in Perth lol
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