dalekboy (dalekboy) wrote,

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Strokeboy - three years on

Well, it's roughly three years since the two-week long basilar migraine that effectively gave me a mini-stroke. Yay! Happy birthday-ish thing, little life-altering brain damage!

Still getting back on my feet for the most part. Rarely needing the walking stick these days, but still carry it with me because once I get tired I need it, and I never know how quickly or slowly I'll get tired. And sometimes I need it without warning. But overall, have improved quite a bit.

Still have problems with writing. Can do it but it's rather hard, and the additional difficulty is yet another hindrance for me in an already troublesome artistic task. Interestingly, as the issue of random wrong words has lessened somewhat, I've been forgetting other stuff.

The difference between its and it's is one I've lost. With no warning beforehand, I've suddenly spent months confused by this, the difference between the two being something that I've known really well since I was in primary school. All of a sudden, I'd come to use one and wouldn't know which one to use. I'd try to work it out, but even as I was working it out, I'd be getting confused by simple rules.

I also consistently misspell 'watch' and its variations, amongst other words I know well. And even now I'm looking at the 'its' in that previous sentence and I'm not sure it's right, though I know the one I just used is. I think. Bizarre. But interesting. It still fascinates me, watching from the inside as my brain continues to rewire itself.

I sometimes wonder if my inability to comprehend that Lex is my child is somehow tied up with the damaged and rewired synapses of my brain. I don't love him any less, and I logically know that he is my baby, but there's still some fundamental connection missing. I know I'm a dad, but I don't feel like one. It may also be left over from losing Tracy. Who knows? *shrugs*

The swimming is going gangbusters with the new teacher, Joanna. I've liked our previous teachers, thought they were all good, and good people, but she's the first I'd like to know socially. Just really interesting, and my kind of person, as well as a truly brilliant teacher. She was afraid of sharks, so she learned all about them and then went swimming with them. Awesome!

Went swimming today, trying to get some practice in since I'm going to miss two lessons while in Perth. And I'm pretty sure the hotel doesn't have a pool. Wednesday night Joanna punished us, in the best way, with lots of practice, and I was still feeling it today. But I dragged myself down for an hour's worth of practice today (with plenty of small breaks).

One of the big issues I still have is with my breathing for freestyle. I haven't been able to nail it. But today, I swam three quarters of the length of the twenty-five metre pool, while actually breathing! Then I sucked in a lungfull of water, possibly because of the person who swam past me, possibly because I'm unco. I could already do half that length on one breath, so it's nice to go that bit further and breathe regularly, if haphazardly.

I also have a goal to aim for now. If I want to learn scuba diving (which I do, obviously, since I mentioned it), I need to be able to swim 200 metres and to tread water for ten minutes. Those are the basic fitness and ability requirements. So those are my minimum goals. They're a little way off, but I'll get there. Or not.

I'm reading more, it's good! I have the interest and the enthusiasm. But no-one tell Nicko, I'm tired of being hassled in the hucksters room, and "Nicko, I can't fucking read!" is a good put-off. Mind you, I have no excuse when he sees me buying books from other people.

Also enjoying watching films again. I never stopped, but I decreased my watching pretty substantially because I was tending to find it tiring if I watched something over 30-45 minutes. Hell, even that length could -

We interrupt this post with breaking news - Lex just crawled two feet! Yay! Oh wait, that's bad, he's mobile! Arrgh, fuck!

- wipe me out. But I'm running through a nice range of stuff. And my enthusiasm has been helped along by the podcasts and movie programs I've plugged several times recently, and getting a spot on Cinemageddon, which has wonderful old films I've always wanted to see like Dr. Mabuse, der Spieler (Dr. Mabuse, the Gambler), from 1922, directed by Fritz Lang. Mmmm... over three and a half hours of silent movie goodness...

I'm mostly doing a reasonable job with keeping up with Lex. He wipes me out, but that's why I only said keeping up. After swimming today, I just lie on the bed and let him clamber over me, instead of our usual bout of playing. And even though he's starting to crawl, I'm not worried. I figured that I'd probably improve as he became more mobile, just because of the demands, and so far that seems to be right.

As mentioned in my March dot points, I'm working on a short animation. It's uphill work, I'm out of practice. Human models are hard, even if you're not aiming for realistic. Ideally I'd go more cartoony for the character, like this this fairy figure by the wonderfully talented Sarah Mensinga, but I don't have the skill to do something like that from scratch. So easier for me to base it on an existing human and just not go super detailed.

Having said that, I just spent two bloody days on the ears. This is what happens when I get tired (which happens a lot) I lose focus. What I should have done was, after a few false starts, just built the rest of the head and body and made the ears last.

But I'm enjoying doing a bit of CG work again. It's nice, and I like the look of the visuals that I've come up with. I may well do some new pieces using this new style. Be nice if I could get back into it enough to start building lots of stuff again, including new Doctor Who models. Will just have to see.

So that's where things are at. I've come a fair way in three years... well, I suppose I lost a lot three years ago, but I've regained a fair chunk of what I lost, probably about 60-70%, and I've gained a bunch of stuff that I never had. Like the swimming. And my son (see, that still doesn't feel right...). And other bits and bobs.

Basically, life is good.

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