dalekboy (dalekboy) wrote,

  • Mood:


Feeling very down today. Nothing to do with Valentine's Day, the timing on that is purely coincidental. Been dodging a major depression for several weeks, struggling to get things done, dad would have been 73 last Friday, etc.

The kick-over point was Tuesday night, had a very bad reaction to a really icky bit of Chicken Kiev. Have had Chicken Kiev a few times before, was getting through this one ok, but then got really bizarrely weird texture I hadn't struck before, kind of a rubbery/jelly texture, which freaked me right out. It's by far the worst reaction I've had in a few years, really upsetting. Still feeling freaked now.

So that was the major tipping point. I've been doing so well on foods, slowly but steadily getting through new ones, that having such an extreme response was quite upsetting. And of course I'm feeling very tentative about trying anything new right now. That combined with needing to spend all my time and energy this week getting things done for mum, so I've got nothing left for the things I need to get done for myself or the trip, just concreted the mood in. And so the spiral continues.

It's cool, I'll live, it's just annoying. In the sort of mood where I just want to curl up in a ball in someone's arms and weep, stay in bed, or lose the day to lots of nicely distracting sex - none of which are an option. I'm struggling to do the stuff I know I need to to help alleviate or beat the mood. And one of the annoying things is that my mood has meant I wasn't able to fully appreciate the apology yesterday. I've waited a long time for that.

So feel free to tell me something nice and jolly. It doesn't have to relate to me or my life in any way at all. I'm always happy for other people's good news, experiences, ideas, or thoughts.
Tags: dad, serious thoughts, unimportant but annoying
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