April 7th, 2012

Serious Thoughts

Was that a snap?

Well, I'm feeling pretty fucking broken right now. Heard today that my aunty died, so that's three deaths in a smidge over a month. Not really strong enough for that at the moment. I can tell how far gone I am - I was slightly late for my one panel!

No seriously, I hate being late, so the fact I was tells me how far gone I am. And though I tried to prepare enough to offset my physically and emotionally exhausted state (I had notes! Dot points, even!) I was all over the place in my explanations and over-long. Oh well, will do a proper write up on the Colin Baker Doctor for dalekboy.com.

Had the sense to post to twitter warning people that I'm not to be trusted, that in fact no matter how good I appear to be, I am in fact completely broken right now. If I'm around other people I will automatically switch on. If I'm switched on, I'll be busily fooling both those around me and myself that I'm not great, but coping.

And I'm so not coping right now. Not close. Talking and laughing with a mate downstairs earlier and I could feel the hysterical edge to my laughter.

Thank you to everyone who has sent condolences. Not going to get around to replying to you probably at all, but I really do appreciate it, truly and deeply.

I've also been sent ASCII nipples, and been directed to some almost nudes of a fabulous friend. these things made me smile. I like smiles, they seems few and far between at the moment.

Love the masquerade, but probably won't go to it tonight. Shame, was looking forward to taking lots of exciting pictures to send to TLex.

Oh well, suppose I'll be heading to Melbourne for the funeral after I get back.
I so need a two month solo Nullabor trip right now.