dalekboy (dalekboy) wrote,
dalekboy
dalekboy

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26 awful euphemisms

I don't know that these are legit, but given some of the stuff I've read over the years in supposedly serious fiction, it wouldn't surprise me...


A list which compiles 13 awful euphemisms taken from actual romance manuscripts....

Hers

1. aching oozing entrance
2. clutching coming cavern
3. cum hole
4. inflamed seeping tunnel
5. pleading pouting gate of her vagina
6. pulse-pounding swamp of love and cum
7. ultrasensitive cum-covered bud
8. southernmost slippery lips
9. soaking, smothering cave
10. drenched hair-topped cavern
11. bloated pulsing bud
12. constricted, battered hole
13. contracting crease

His

1. buffeting brick-of-a-bat
2. engorged cylindrical monster
3. near-spurting spear
4. object of her oral affection
5. spherical head with its narrow semen-spitting slit
6. thick, long rope of granite
7. torturous tube
8. one-eyed purple-headed yogurt slinger
9. white marble battering ram
10. ready-to-pop pole
11. pointy protrusion
12. bulbous buffeting baton
13. albino boa constrictor
Tags: sex, writing
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  • 12 comments

  • Still Alive Ten Years On

    So today marks the 10th anniversary, of the first day, of the two-week long basilar migraine that gave me a stroke equivalent. That took ten months…

  • I'm off to Melbourne again!

    Well, by this time tomorrow, I'll be in Bairnsdale. Again. Because I'm going to Melbourne. Again. Don't get me wrong, I like visiting Melbourne. In…

  • In Melbourne this weekend!

    Going to Melbourne for Paul Haines' Memorial on Sat. Staying to see the John Carter of Mars screening with the Continuum group on the Sunday!*…