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100 Days of Love and Hate - Day 68 [Jul. 29th, 2007|05:30 pm]
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I'm going to talk about the word cunt. Well, not just cunt, a few other 'naughty' words as well, and my personal perceptions of them. There are a lot of words I could talk about, but I'll just go with the ones that spring to mind as I go.

I like cunt, I really do. I'm quite comfortable with it in all its uses as a word for female genitalia, a bad person, or someone with a wicked sense of humour. When it comes to a term for womens' private parts, cunt is actually the one I'm most comfortable with. I don't really know how this came about, but there you go.

I know that there are many people who think that cunt has a seriously negative connotation, who find its use offensive because, amongst other reasons, this word for the female anatomy is 'the worst thing you can be called.' Sorry, but I don't get it. I can call a person a whole bunch of worse things, without swearing once. To me, cunt is a very powerfully evocative word for the female genitalia. It brings with it a whole series of thoughts, images, sensations, and experiences that I find beautiful, pleasurable, and of course, highly sexual.

I don't think of wanting to see a woman's vagina, I want to see her cunt. I want to see this often quite beautiful and very special, sexual part of her. I want to perve and/or admire, lose myself there for a while. I use cunt because while there are plenty of other words for the area, most don't do justice to the raw power that is entailed in the female reproductive system. Maybe that's why cunt became such a dreadfully negative term - making it a bad thing reduced its power in a patriarchal society. Now of course, there are women using it in an effort to reclaim that power.

Slut is another word that is considered strongly taboo by many people, and another I'm fairly comfortable with. I occasionally describe myself as a wanton slut, though some would argue that, being male, I don't get the full stigma attached to the term. That's quite true. Neither gender can easily appreciate the position of the other on various things simply because there are a lifetime of experiences and attitudes that go with them that you need to experience firsthand.

Again, I find slut a reasonably powerful word. It's often used negatively, another holdover of a society that values women as property, and as such they have less value if other people have 'access' to the property. I will add to that the more primal breeding urge also plays a strong part in the development of that attitude - a male often likes to try and be sure that his are the only children likely to be born to a female - so in a world where the female can travel about and meet with other males, discouraging her from wanting to have sex with them is a priority. And so a word that tends to represent a woman that enjoys lots of sex, becomes a bad thing.

Personally, when I use slut it's usually with the same mindset that is reserved for words like stud. There's so much emphasis on guys going out and screwing lots of people, but girls aren't allowed that same freedom for all sorts of reasons. I like women who enjoy sex, who have had lots of partners even if none of those partners are, or ever will be, me. I have the same admiration (and amazement) for a woman that's fucked forty-plus guys as I have for a guy who's done the equivalent. I would love to have the opportunity to have had sex with so many people. To have experienced all those various attitudes, bodies, ideas... to have been allowed that level of closeness and intimacy - I think it's a great thing. I admire and envy sluts of both genders.

Cock is also a word I like. Now I have written about my penchant for SMSing the word cock to people in a previous 100 Days of Love & Hate post, so I needn't repeat any of that here. What I will say is that, for me, the word cock used in its normal context is a strong word for the male organ. It has a power too that I enjoy in similar ways to my enjoyment of cunt. And, there's no way to say this that won't sound odd, I like the way cock feels in my mouth.

A quick digression to explain that comment. Some words just feel really good to say. By that I mean I like the physical act of saying them, the way my mouth moves to create the sound. Some days I'll hear a word I like, or I pronounce it in a way that moves my face, lips and tongue in an interesting way, and I will proceed to say that word many times throughout the day, as shazgirl can attest to. Tharwa is a favourite, as is 'splodey, multipass, and plectrum.

So yes, I like cock. I don't have a wang, a penis, a wetties, or a dong - I have a cock. I feel comfortable with the use of the word, and the power I associate with it, every bit the opposite and equal to the cunt.

And I use the negative variants of it frequently, too. Some blokes are cocks, or cockheads. Am I right in thinking that there are more words for male genitalia used as insults than the female equivalent? Dick, nob, tool...

Willy is also a word I use for cock sometimes. It's not a powerful word, but I find it friendly and non-threatening. Maybe it was all the Billy Connolly I listened to over the years.

Arse is another word I like, used for the bottom or anus. I also don't mind arsehole used to describe the latter.

Breasts I think is the perfect word for... er... breasts. It feels right and comfortable for a part of the anatomy I often find quite lovely. Tits I will use much more rarely, and usually only at times when I'm being overtaken by desire, its use coming to the fore as my passion rises. Not sure why that is. But it does lead me naturally to...

Fuck. When I'm tired, I swear more, and fuck is often my word of choice. I actually don't like how much it's generally bandied about because, well, used constantly it becomes boring and shows a lack of imagination and/or vocabulary. But used in the context of sex, I like it. There's a power there, because for me it describes not just an act, but a mindset, a passion, a need.

There are times when I make love. The term 'make love' I use for the rare times when the act comes almost purely from that need to be as close as possible to a person who is special to you, the times that love is met and matched and the end result is a beautiful coming together of two people. Sharon and I make love probably close to a quarter of the time, she brings that joy and tenderness out in me. Sometimes it's so lovely I'm moved to tears.

Sex is a much more common occurrence. You're both feeling toey, you know it'll be fun, you have a great time. You don't have to be in love, you can just be great mates who get on well. It's about enjoying yourselves and each other.

But fucking... those are the times I prize. Raw animal passion and needing each other. Making love isn't powerful enough in the right way, sex is good but still not there, you have to fuck, to let loose and take your enjoyment from each other. To slam yourself into the other person, pushing harder and deeper because no matter how good it feels, the need drives you further and faster. It's not about caresses, but carnality. That's what I'm referring to when I say I want to fuck. Kali and I probably fuck about a third of the time. We draw that pure lust from each other and feed it back. There's a reason we both describe sex with each other as like with no-one else.

Some people don't like the word, for me it's all about context. And this is the context that is the most evocative and powerful.

And that's it for those words. Words that have power for different people in different ways. Some find them awkward, distasteful or even upsetting. I don't. But there are words I don't use, words that bother me, words like...


As much as I love the word cunt for the female sex organs, I loathe and detest the word pussy. Put it like this, I'm actually uncomfortable writing it here in my journal. Strange but true. I hate the word that much.

I'm fine with it used in the context of a cat, fairly tolerant of it used in the context of a weak person, but cannot stand it in reference to female genitalia. There's just something so icky and overly juvenile about it that I can't bring myself to use it in that context. And I dislike hearing other people using it, it really does make my skin crawl.

Not sure why. I think it may come from the constant use in those dreadful American teen sex comedies. The leering sixteen year old male students (played by people in their mid-twenties) and their no-holds-barred efforts to score some pussy. The girls they chase, giggling, with no brains or self-respect who talk about their pussies. And it's all written by old guys who think that this behaviour is funny and sexy. Brrrr...

Not that fond of beaver either, for much the same reasons. But pussy wins hands down to creep me out.

As a sidenote, the references to Mrs. Slocombe's pussy in Are You Being Served? never bothered me. I think it was the very British attitude to the jokes. A very cheeky 'Ooh we're being naughty on the telly!' that is kind of naive. Plus it was surrounded by comedy that usually relied on character and wordplay to be funny (whether you thought it was or not) as opposed to the gags coming from the constant barrage of belittlement and humiliation that is often the core of American comedy.

Dick I find annoyingly juvenile too. Doesn't make me feel dirty the way pussy does, but it does strike me as the sort of thing kids in primary school use. That said, there are ways to use it that work.

Boobies doesn't work for the same reason. I'm generally not comfortable with tits either except, as mentioned earlier, I do actually use it at times. What a strange beast human sexuality is.

Don't like clitty either. Slit feels too harsh a word to use for something I find warm and inviting.

I'm not always so fond of the proper terminology of words like penis and vagina. There's nothing wrong with them, but by their nature they are cold and clinical. I'm a passionate person, so I like words that represent the strong adult interest I have in these things.

I think the one trend common to many of the words I dislike are that they strike me as immature. Which is kind of funny given some of the words and phrases I do use. But then again, some of them I choose because they are funny or silly. They remove most stigma by being patently ridiculous. Or at least I feel they do.

Naturally there will be people that look at some of the words presented here and say "How can he prefer that over this?" and the answer is simply I do. I don't know why, though I have feelings, ideas and theories over why some words are more comfortable for me to use than others. I do try to be aware of other people's preferences and not subject them to words that they dislike immensely. Though I will admit to consciously doing less self-censoring since starting 100 Days.

So what words creep you out or annoy you and why?

[User Picture]From: king_espresso
2007-07-29 07:48 am (UTC)
I have a fondness (in a number of ways) for the word minge. It's old fashioned but has a frivolity that I find appealing.
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[User Picture]From: mistress_wench
2007-07-29 08:09 am (UTC)


Especially when said by the Buffy Swearing Keyboard! :D
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[User Picture]From: strangedave
2007-07-29 08:15 am (UTC)
I feel mostly the same as you. Cunt doesn't bother me - its an unambiguous and straightforward word. Childrens words for genitals don't bother me, but I wouldn't use them between adults. Pussy creeps me a little in its euphemistic discomfort, but still taboo - its feels as if its a word for adults who aren't comfortable referring to genitalia directly. And I like the word fuck too.

Then again, I find boobies fine (its silly, but as long as the speaker intends it to be silly, thats OK). A lot of it really comes down to comparitive social background stuff - what you think using the word says about someone. Americans for whom pussy might be a term more often heard might have different associations with it.

Now, slut I think is interesting. I think its positive use is mostly one of those 'reclaiming pride' uses. One of those 'we sluts and our friends can use it, but we know its meant as an insult when others use it' things. Proud to be slutty myself, though, and maybe the word will be reclaimed.
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[User Picture]From: dalekboy
2007-07-29 11:05 am (UTC)
I'm fine with the silliness of boobies, it just doesn't work as something I'd say in any situation that was less than silly.
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[User Picture]From: purrdence
2007-07-29 09:41 am (UTC)
I have huge issues with it as a word for a bad person

Same here, especially when it comes from the mouth of 15 year old boys. I am tolerant of swearing to a point (some words will get a raised eyebrow or a verbal warning), but when they start using 'cunt' as an insult, especially since it's usually 'fucking cunt', they get kicked out of my class. I draw the line that that.

Maybe I should start bring soap with me to school...
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[User Picture]From: dalekboy
2007-07-29 11:08 am (UTC)
I'm not fond or screw, either. Doesn't push major buttons, but it's not something I'm likely to say most of the time, either.
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[User Picture]From: stephbg
2007-07-29 12:38 pm (UTC)
My general opinion re swearwords (i.e. any word with taboo overtones in any particular context) is that they should be used with precision and surgical control. "Fuck" is a great word, useful for all sorts of things, but it's a warning sign if I find myself using it unintentionally.

I remember being irritated with my surgeon for referring to my breasts as "boosies". Perhaps he thought it would lighten the whole breast cancer thing. I begged to differ.

At age 36 I have yet to find a term for female genitalia that "works" for me. In non-sensual conversation I find "bits" very handy for both male and female, er, bits. I shall have to reconsider the potential positive qualities of "cunt" in a private context.

"Slit" is just appalling and I agree it has violent connotations.

I was once startled to discover my mother found "sod" as in the sympathetic "poor sod" offensive (i.e. sodomist). I thought it meant crumbly clump of earth, but there you go. People will hear what they want to hear.

BTW I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell now. And that's a shame.
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[User Picture]From: dalekboy
2007-07-30 01:48 am (UTC)
Boosies? Blah!

So why are you going to hell?
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[User Picture]From: dalekboy
2007-07-30 01:50 am (UTC)
I had quite forgotten gash. Man I hate that way more than slit.
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[User Picture]From: capnoblivious
2007-07-29 10:12 pm (UTC)
Funny - I fine "dick" a solid, comfortable word, whereas to me it's "cock" that's slightly juvenile.

The same thing happens with many of the other words you describe, which is odd - same word, same general context, very different nuances.

Ruth Wajnryb's "Language Most Foul" is an interesting read, sort of a history of swearing. She makes the point that there are pretty much no universally comfortable words for genitalia - "penis" and "vagina" tend to be uncomfortable because they're clinical, and the rest are generally considered bad words for whatever reason. According to Wajnryb, one of the things that tends to happen in an intimate relationship is that a couple finds language it's comfortable with, whether it's claiming one of the extant words or making up pet names for each other's genitalia. It's partly social mores, partly a sort of intimacy.
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[User Picture]From: dalekboy
2007-07-30 01:53 am (UTC)
Yay! Glad someone's a fan of dick. I knew there would be some folks that found cock to be childish.

It is very interesting how we all talk the same language and yet each percieve the same words so differently. Some of that is cultural, some is personal background and experiences.

I think Wajnryb is right on the money.

BTW, I still owe you an email. Gradually getting writing again and catching up with people.
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[User Picture]From: ghoath
2007-07-30 01:00 am (UTC)
yayness! someone else that identifies the difference between making love and fucking in the same way as we do.
however, we identify with sex as the clinical term, and the act of having fun with it it as shagging.

i use cunt in my home to swear about something and let off steam.
i like to say it to see how someone reacts.
i agree with you about the feel of cock and cunt in your mouth as it were; they feel most powerful.
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[User Picture]From: dalekboy
2007-07-30 02:00 am (UTC)
With most of my previous partners, I'd say in our whole relationships we made love a handful of times. Most of the time it was just sex, with the occasional fuck. Which is why I made the points about Shaz and Kali. Actually, Kali and I make love a fair portion of the time as well.

I see shagging as reasonably friendly and non-threatening, alwasys have. I think the Austen Powers flicks have helped that perception become more public though.

As to mouth feel, I don't get the power thing with the way I say cunt. My internal perception of the word is one of strength, beauty, and desirablity, but the physical way I say it doesn't feel as good as a word like Tharwa (or as I pronounce it - Tha-waaaahhhhhhh!)
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[User Picture]From: rendragon
2007-07-30 01:40 am (UTC)
It's so interesting! I have a problem with the casual use of the word 'rape'. Yet my husband has no problem using it. And vice versa, he has problems with my casual use of the word 'molest'.

Between us, we are users of the full 'breasts', said with an element of respect, or 'titties!' when used in fun or play. He has a 'penis' or 'cock' with the occasional 'dick', and I have a 'pussy' as we are yet to find anything else we are both comfortable.

I can't stand 'slit' or 'gash' either. And not so comfortable with 'cunt', but I'm slowly changing the pre-programming in my head from 'bad word' to 'empowering word'
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[User Picture]From: dalekboy
2007-07-30 02:03 am (UTC)
Not fond of the casual use of the words rape or molest, neither am I fond of people referring to folks as Nazis over minor issues. It diminishes the horror of what the nazis did when you start using it to describe traffic wardens and the like.

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[User Picture]From: meljane
2007-07-30 01:22 pm (UTC)
Words that annoy me are cunt and cock , pussy and fuck.

The word "Cock" I don't mind so much when it sent in an sms but said outloud just makes me cringe .

These two words "cock" and "pussy" really embarrassed me in high school when I was stuck in a class of year 11 boys back when I was in year 9 and they kept chanting a stupid song over and over again and it was the first time I had even heard these words before .

I'm not saying my parents didn't swear at home or I wasn't exposed to other colourful language but some words just came off sounding crude that I heard in school.
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[User Picture]From: callistra
2007-08-03 01:12 pm (UTC)
I find terminology fascinating, since I've tried to write porn. Cunt covers everything; from mons to vagina, cervix, inner labia, outer labia, clitoris... everything. Whereas the other words get too defined. And how on earth do you describe something that covers *many* parts of a woman's genitalia, but not *all* of them, without sounding like a medical textbook?

I have been spending *wayyyy* too much time reading the essential baby forums, and in the pregnancy section there's a thread titled "things no one ever told you", and in it someone descibes her "Veejay" and I was genuinely puzzled. One level I knew what she meant, but on my conscious level I'm like... what? Her Indian husband? Something shaped like a VJ? Huh??

I like Yoni as a word, but I don't spend a lot of time talking about my cunt or yoni or girl parts or vagina. I think it also depends on the company you're in when it comes up in conversation.

J and I are having to clean up our conversation around here. Some one has started mimicking everything we say. Oops.
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[User Picture]From: vegetus
2007-08-07 11:59 pm (UTC)
I agree with pretty much everything you have said here. We should use "naughty" words around each other more often :P I hate the terms boobies and tits- to the point where it can be an incredible turn off and I have been known to physically wince when someone has used them whilst being involved with me.

"Making love" is an expression that I've almost always balked at- it's far too soppy for most of the encounters I've had and in retrospect there are very, very few people I have felt a connection to that I can use such terminology. More recently I've learnt that it is a term that doesn't always apply to sexual encounters either.
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