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Ironies both funny and cruel [Jun. 8th, 2007|09:47 am]
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[mood |restlessrestless]

I'm not sure if these ironies are like the ones from that song Isn't it Ironic? where the irony was there was no real irony in the song, but here goes.

1. I've just plotted out a short story idea that I want to try and pitch to a Doctor Who collection. It's about a man who starts to lose his ability to communicate at a point in his life where it's vitally important for him to relate certain information. I know I can write the thing, but I'm also aware that since the stroke I've found writing to be increasingly difficult. The six hundred words I wrote to plot it out have exhausted me. Given how much trouble I have with writing fiction these days, it'd be lovely if it got picked up.

2. Speaking personally, I will find it very ironic if I get the Best Fan Writer Ditmar, for the reasons mentioned above. The irony is furthered by the fact that if I win, this will be the second Ditmar that I've won on my own that I haven't been there to collect at the time.

3. I've asked Sean Williams to accept it for me if I win. He's a good mate, and I like the irony of a guy with twenty plus novels under his belt getting up to accept the Best Fan Writer award.

4. Lastly, is the cruel irony I've been meaning to mention since last week. Way back in March I became a sperm donor, for all sorts of good reasons. Been going to post about it, but haven't gotten around to it, as I haven't with so many pieces of writing in recent times. Last Thursday morning, Sharon and I had a counselling session at the fertility clinic where I donate. Basically it's to make sure we know what we're doing, that my partner knows and understands what's going on and approves, etc.

So we're there, and the staff are rapt. So many women and couples they see have trouble conceiving, so to have a woman in who is naturally pregnant is nice for them. The fact that she's happy for her husband to be a sperm donor, so that other people can be blessed with children, means that they love her. They were so very happy for us both, and spent a good half hour just chatting with us.

One of the things we found out while there was that the waiting lists for IVF are huge. There one-hundred and fifty people on the list in Albury, and they've cut it off at that number. One-hundred and fifty families, all wanting to have kids, and I can only help five there and five in Canberra. As Sharon and I were driving in the car to her work, we were both close to tears about that. All those people, struggling to have children, and we'd gotten lucky on our first try.

Less than half an hour later, Sharon miscarried.

[User Picture]From: stephen_dedman
2007-06-08 12:50 am (UTC)
Mate, I am in awe of your courage, your ability to keep going, and your sense of perspective.

Hope that things get better soon and bring you the happiness you deserve.
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[User Picture]From: arcadiagt5
2007-06-08 03:29 am (UTC)
OK, call me a dittohead if you want but this sums up my feelings exactly. Hang in there!
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From: gutter_monkey
2007-06-08 01:54 am (UTC)
> I'm not sure if these ironies are like the ones from that song Isn't it Ironic? where the irony was there was no real irony in the song

No no no no, that's the point. The fact that none of the examples in the song are actually ironic is itself ironic. This means that the song is meta-ironic. Alanis Morrisette is a genius.
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[User Picture]From: purrdence
2007-06-08 08:31 am (UTC)
and God, don't forget that.
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[User Picture]From: lie_xin
2007-06-08 02:49 am (UTC)
Isn't it ironic that the loveliest, most giving people are the ones who suffer the most and worst loss. I think Alanis needs to live a bit more to be able to comment on actual ironic situations.

Eg I never thought about having kids until my choice and ability were severely hampered.

I think you two are doing fine thanks to your strength and the fact you've been open about it. People don't realise how important those traits are until they need them personally.

Isn't it ironic? ;)
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[User Picture]From: angriest
2007-06-08 03:27 pm (UTC)
Alanis had to star in You Can't Do That On Television. Surely she has suffered enough...
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[User Picture]From: emma_in_oz
2007-06-08 03:11 am (UTC)
You might not know that I have been trying to have a kid, using donated sperm. There is an unbelievable wait list as hardly anyone donates.

After waiting a year I secured my own donor - it's just coming out of quarantine at 18 months. It's been a horrible, horrible, endless wait before I can even begin trying to conceive.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you how much I admire people who donate sperm. There is such a horrible, horrible Australia wide shortage and the entire donation system has pretty much ceased to function.

I am so sorry, though, about the timing for your own life.

This isn't very coherent because it means so much to me.
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[User Picture]From: battblush
2007-06-08 05:31 am (UTC)

Thanks Emma.

This comment has just been the focus of a long telephone conversation between Lee and myself. Years ago I decided I wanted to be an egg donor. But, I'm too old (apparently). So I let it go. Reading this I emailed Lee, he called me, we're going on-line tonight to look into it. I would love for Lee to do something like this and fortunately he feels like it's something he could do. I'm just picturing all these SF fans and writers putting their sperm out there and in twenty years seeing the fandom/writing ranks swell :)
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[User Picture]From: battblush
2007-06-08 04:08 am (UTC)
When I lost my baby, the first thing anyone asked was "Are you going to try again?" The answer was yes, we just had to wait for one normal period before doing so. My next period was fine so we tried again. I fell pregnant first go and we were so excited. Looking back though I think we should have waited three months. I still wasn't emotionally or physically strong and suffered a lot of fear for those nine months. Due to the recent miscarriage I bled on and off up until 6 months, which meant many hospitalisations. By the end of it I was a nervous wreck.

You are showing remarkable strength in all this, but give yourselves time to heal. Little things are going to make you hurt, especially memories like this one.
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[User Picture]From: lie_xin
2007-06-08 04:21 am (UTC)
I just had a thought about the comment I made. I didn't mean that I'm the lovely, giving person. I meant you both. I'm a bitch! You guys are wonderful!

Just thought I'd clear that up.
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[User Picture]From: battblush
2007-06-08 05:33 am (UTC)
I find you totally loveable. Like Sully in Monsters, Inc :)
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[User Picture]From: davidcook
2007-06-08 06:05 am (UTC)
Over here, sperm donation can't be done anonymously any more - and the number of donors has dropped right away. Is it the same in Oz ?
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[User Picture]From: dalekboy
2007-06-08 06:25 am (UTC)
Yup, plus we had other issues.

Big post in the next few days, honest :)
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[User Picture]From: emma_in_oz
2007-06-08 01:03 pm (UTC)
Don't feel any pressure to post about donation quickly. It's an intresting subject but will still be interesting when you are strong enough to write about it.
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[User Picture]From: l_zinkiewicz
2007-06-11 03:33 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry to hear about the miscarriage - it's not fair that people who are so generous to others have such things happen to them. Like stephen_dedman says, hope you get the happiness you deserve soon.

I thought about donating an egg a few years ago - heading towards 40 childless does that to you - but like battblush I was too old (35 is the cutoff in the UK - same here?). Given how desperate people are for the eggs maybe the authorities should rethink this guidance - I imagine they're screened after harvesting to verify they're good quality?
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[User Picture]From: kaths
2007-06-13 01:47 pm (UTC)
Eggs are harder to screen for quality than sperm - mainly because sperm swim around and that can give you an idea of how they are :) Plus each egg produced is a potential child (well, half of), whereas out of one lot of sperm, it doesn't matter if a lot of them are dodgy, as long as there's a few good ones.

The only real way to test for age-related problems is to do a genetic test after fertilisation, which is very expensive and can stop it developing further.
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[User Picture]From: king_espresso
2007-06-11 07:13 am (UTC)
Well mate, you got the gong and to be truthful, I nominated you. Not for fiction, but for the awesome honesty of your livejournal postings and the quality of the writings in them. No irony intended. :)
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