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This post is not about any one person either... No, really. Look, will you just listen for once?! - Danny Danger Oz [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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This post is not about any one person either... No, really. Look, will you just listen for once?! [Mar. 5th, 2010|04:39 pm]
dalekboy
[Tags|, ]
[mood |quixoticquixotic]

I made my little corner of the internet go 'splodey with my last post. And I'm a bit tired of trying to reply to everyone about it both online and privately, so instead I wanted to say a few things to the mob in general.

I don't see the point in naming individuals, because there's a few of them, it doesn't make this post more or less relevant to have names, and I have enough to do without trying to compile a list. Plus I have no desire to try and make individual people out as 'bad.' I don't see that it does any good.

So...

I love it when people think I am so very gutless, I wouldn't just stand up and say what I think about a particular topic. Because, you know, I've never stood my ground on unpopular topics in the past have I?

I love it when people think I'm so very stupid, that I would choose to hide behind a phrase like, 'this is not about any one person,' if it was, in fact, specifically about a single individual or event. There's obviously no other reason for me to use such a phrase, because I've never talked broadly about a range of things, people, or events in the past have I?

I love when people assume I've deliberately attacked or belittled the plight of someone who is already struggling. Because I've got such a long history of that sort of behaviour.

I love it when they assume I have the time and inclination to read through all my friend's LJs before I make a post. Because I've never stated before that usually I have time to post on LJ, or read LJ, but not both.

I love it when I'm being told that I'm defending something that I have made very clear previously I think should be punished.

And I love it when people put down to maliciousness or cruelness what can be explained by poor timing, stupidity, tiredness, anger at something else, lack of info on the current status quo, and so on.

I have been in fandom thirty damn years. On the weekend, I heard people badmouthing someone for something they had screwed up close to fifteen years before. The fact that this person has done tonnes of good, and in fact has done significantly more real good in the world (and no, fandom is not the world) than all their detractors combined, didn't matter. All that mattered was one fuck-up. One fuck up and this person was branded as the festering boil of fandom.

Forever.

And I have seen this happen again, and again, and again. And I am sick to fucking death of it. And that is what I was rallying against.

So then it basically happens to me over a post.

Some people assume they know exactly what I'm talking about, assume they know exactly what was in my mind when I wrote it, because they are so very intelligent they just know everything about me, and my reasons and motivations. So instead of taking the real point of the post, weighing it up against other things I have said and done, they judge me on their perspective of that single post. Decide I am a bad person because of their interpretation of what I wrote.

Better yet, I'm blamed by folks who have read stuff into what I wrote, for posts made by other people who have also read what they wanted to from what I wrote.

And then they all behave in exactly the way my post was critical of in the first place.

In fact the most reasonable person has been the one with every right to react badly. Once we'd discussed the situation, we made each other aware of what we were reacting to, and apologised to each other.

To the rest of you, go read my fucking post again. Look at what it says, rather than what you want it to say. Go on, I'll wait here...

Right, done?

I am not just the post I made yesterday!

Now get the fuck off my internets!
linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: ariaflame
2010-03-05 05:46 am (UTC)
*hugs*

Active reading is a skill that more people could develop.
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[User Picture]From: dalekboy
2010-03-05 06:00 am (UTC)
I can think of, without trying, at least five occasions when I could have posted this in the last few years and I would have had people telling me that I was writing about a different thing every time. Or saying it was about a subject six months old.

I have posts that I've sat on waiting for things to blow over. But there's always a new thing, and those posts don't get made. I have a lot of posts that have never made it out because of trying to avoid the mob mindset.

What I'm really over is the arrogance of people telling me what I'm thinking when I write.

So... how dare you accuse me of writing about human interactions! :-P
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[User Picture]From: shrydar
2010-03-05 07:03 am (UTC)
I keep meaning to point the local goth community at the GSF article and asking readers to mentally substitute every occurrence of 'geek' with 'goth,' but I only ever remember when there's a recent event people will think I'm specifically referring to. Actually, this week might be a good time; there hasn't been a blow up in months..
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[User Picture]From: narrelle
2010-03-05 06:03 am (UTC)
Sigh. I would very much like to hug you in person.
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[User Picture]From: dalekboy
2010-03-05 06:05 am (UTC)
I'm fine. I just keep repeating the mantra, "Stupid people are funny..."

They're funny dammit!

You only want to hug me because I'm hot, right?
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[User Picture]From: narrelle
2010-03-05 06:19 am (UTC)
Yup. It was the tripod comment that was the clincher tho.
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[User Picture]From: dalekboy
2010-03-05 07:27 am (UTC)
I know. I eventually had to buy one to help avoid disappointment.
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[User Picture]From: leecetheartist
2010-03-05 06:05 am (UTC)
Cheering leece cheers!
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[User Picture]From: amarillion
2010-03-05 06:12 am (UTC)
Deep breathes Danny, Deeeeeeep Breathes!
Deleted a long post because I think I was rambling and bitching too much.
Short version. Agreed with others, its never the "right" time, its always going to be the wrong time for someone.
People should be old enough to read a message, understand its on a personal journal and ranty and take the message *without* taking it as a personal insult.
...and if it did make them angry, they need to ask *themselves* why, and not immediately demand the rest of the intawebs do so for them.
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[User Picture]From: lobelet
2010-03-05 06:18 am (UTC)
The only thing to say is, of course, that you are absolutely right in what you have said.

And the morons who don't have the reading skills to comprehend what you said are not worth worrying about.

So don't worry about it. You are right, they are wrong. Keep on trucking!
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[User Picture]From: dalekboy
2010-03-05 07:44 am (UTC)
If I had done what was assumed, for the reasons assumed, they'd be right to kick my arse.

As it was I was guilty of poor timing, but I could post it in six months and some people would always drag it back to current events.

What annoys me is the assumption that they know exactly what I'm on about, and won't admit that maybe my point was in fact the one I was making, not the one they credit me with.

There's an episode of B5 where a race is being wiped out by a disease that religious elements of the race is blaming on immorality. The 'moral' elements of the race lock themselves away and the disease virtually wipes them all out.

Everyone congratulated JMS on doing such a strong analogy about religion and AIDS. He got angry, said it wasn't about AIDS, and pointed out a bunch of major historical plagues and issues that were essentially the same problem, solution, and outcome.
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[User Picture]From: sjl
2010-03-05 06:47 am (UTC)
I'm laughing. I'm laughing, not because what you said was funny, but because it's so true, and if I don't laugh, I'm sure as hell gonna cry. You don't need my validation, but for what it's worth, you have it anyway.

Do and say what you have to, and let the world go hang. It's not worth doing anything else.
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[User Picture]From: arcadiagt5
2010-03-05 07:59 am (UTC)
I'm laughing. I'm laughing, not because what you said was funny, but because it's so true, and if I don't laugh, I'm sure as hell gonna cry.

So very very true.
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[User Picture]From: dcrisp
2010-03-05 07:03 am (UTC)
Can I still sit on your lawn though????
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[User Picture]From: dalekboy
2010-03-05 07:45 am (UTC)
I've told you, just because it's green, don't call my willy a lawn!
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[User Picture]From: vegetus
2010-03-05 08:12 am (UTC)
What is it about people that makes them think the whole word is about them?

*big hugses*
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[User Picture]From: dalekboy
2010-03-05 08:23 am (UTC)
I know! Arrogant bastards! It's all about me!
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[User Picture]From: arcadiagt5
2010-03-05 09:27 am (UTC)
Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
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[User Picture]From: indefensiblepos
2010-03-05 08:13 am (UTC)
Well at least you now know what the worst thing you have ever done is. :-)
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[User Picture]From: dalekboy
2010-03-05 08:24 am (UTC)
I literally LOLed :)
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[User Picture]From: drew_bowie
2010-03-05 10:20 pm (UTC)
You mean that post had nothing to do with the fact you haven't gotten me that copy of Spirits of the Air, Gremlins of the Clouds yet?

Well, if you say so...

:p
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[User Picture]From: hespa
2010-03-08 02:43 am (UTC)
**massive hugs**

Ironically, having no previous knowledge whatsoever of this Swancon situation, I read your post wondering if it was partially inspired by the little flail-post I made in my LJ just the day before. Then I read the comments...

Which just goes to show that there will always be multiple points of relevance, no matter when you make a statement like that. Mind you, it also goes to show how hard it is not to refer general statements to specific experiences, no matter how well they have been disclaimered.

At least you tried, hey?

I don't think anyone - no matter how good and ethical a life they try to lead - can avoid being vilified now and then. The irony, I fear, is that the more you try to be a good and ethical person, the more the vilification hurts.

I have a deep and abiding respect for you, and a big part of that is that you think about these issues and you post about them, even knowing some people will take your words the wrong way and that you might get hurt as a result. That, to me, is a very brave thing to do.

**hugs**
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