||[Nov. 3rd, 2008|12:39 am]
Few things are as effective at curtailing one's attempt at pre-bed onanism than having a spider drop down from the ceiling and run across one's arm.
I'm just glad that only my arm was bare at that point.
Anyone else have any stories of interruption they'd like to share?
A bee stinging me in my own bed at 2.30am... In the thigh... I'm STILL freaked out by my own bed when I go to bed, and I check for bees... :P
*hugs* Damn spider... I hope your bed time regime isn't tainted into spider checking like mine is for bee checking!
Children..but you'll get used to that ;P
One thing I found interesting was that no one, and especially no parents, replied to my post
on how not to expect any luck with sex or masturbation with a new baby in the house. To date, it's the only Thing New Parents Should Know
post to have no replies. Either people don't want to face the reality, don't want to admit it in public, or just wept quietly instead of posting :)
...or all of the above.
Or maintained a dignified 'Well, duh!' silence. :P
That would be the famous Canberra Voyeur Spider, the little fucks are notoriously unco when aroused...
There wasn't anything to see!
And I don't mean it like that!
-continues cacking herself-
Deciding to get a mirror view of myself. I used to live in a house that had strip mirrors on the wardrobe doors that faced the end of my bed. Had to position myself carefully so that I was reflected in a mirror, which meant balancing precariously right on the edge of the bed.
The inevitable happened. Things started getting interesting, I wiggled, fell onto the floor.
..... THEN I noticed I'd left the bedroom curtains open and my bedroom faced onto the street.....
The classical 'someone knocks on bedroom door' situation. Not terribly interesting, I'm afraid.
Happens to me all the time, since my PC with my porn collection is in my room. These days I always have a 'safe' website I can alt-tab across to, and I'm a master at hiding the evidence. Then when whoever has wanted to talk to me leaves I can get back to business. :D
I'm relegated to the loungeroom these days, which builds up whole new levels of paranoia.
I have the best story of interruption ever. Seriously - sit down, you'll love this. This story is legend at Unisfa parties.
For many years, I shared a room with my little sister Tina. She's Tommo's wife - the hot busty blonde. I had the bottom bunk, she had the top bunk. I only ever wanked when I knew she wasn't going to walk in, so it was at very rare times. When she started going out with Tom, she would stay the night at his place every other day.
I have sexy dreams. I've already told you about my Doctor dreams, well, I have all sorts of wonderful sexy dreams about all my favourite fictional characters and real life actors. One morning I had such a sexy dream and woke up totally in the mood. I muzzily tried to remember if Tina had come back from being with Tom the night before. Naaah, I thought. She's not here. I can't hear her breathing. So I dug out my faithful little vibe and got started. I started deep sighing and moaning a little.
From the top bunk pops out a blonde messy-haired head, face bright red.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
I stopped immediately, wincing and groaning with utter, deep-rooted, shame-faced, HORRIFIED, MORTIFIED embarrassment.
"OH my GOD, I'm SO SORRY!" I cried, "I thought you were at Tom's house!"
I barely got to say that. Tina had run out of the room. I lay in bed, just wanting to die.
Tina stormed through the house, stomping into the laundry. My sister Helen and Mum saw her streak past. "What's wrong?" Helen asked.
Tina emerged again, storming back down the hall, hefting a bucket of water.
I lay there in my humiliation until the door burst open with a bang and Tina stomped over to me and tipped the bucket of water at me with an aggressive under-arm sweep.
She may have yelled at me "Dirty bitch!" but I'm not sure. It was something along those lines.
I had to put my mattress out to dry that day. Thankfully we can laugh about it now.
I wonder what she was doing (or not doing) when she was staying at Tom's house if she was so mortified about something as innocent as masturbation.
She's just easily embarrassed, the poor kid.