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Things New Parents Should Know #15 - Psychic Powers - Danny Danger Oz [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Things New Parents Should Know #15 - Psychic Powers [Oct. 6th, 2008|11:09 pm]
dalekboy
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[mood |cheerfulcheerful]

There's no doubt about it, children have a sixth sense. Not a "I see dead people" sixth sense, or a "Here are the tattslotto numbers," sixth sense, or even a "You're going to die!" sixth sense, but they have something, all the same.

It is how they know, when in the deepest, most solid sleep, that you're having sex or masturbating, even if it's at the other end of the house. And so choose that time to wake and start crying. We haven't experienced this yet, but have it on good authority.

It is how they can tell you're in your nice, expensive, going-out clothes, and will choose that moment to vomit all over them. We haven't experienced that one either, though we have had Lex vomit all over himself just as we got him out to the car.

It is how they know when you're just sitting down to eat, or to watch something, and decide to wake and need instant attention.

Lex has the uncanny ability to completely sleep through and ignore Sharon doing all sorts of noisy stuff. But should Sharon try to lay down for a sleep or rest, he will wake and want attention. He does the same thing when she eats.

They do not grow out of this, their targeting system shifts slightly from 'annoyance' to 'embarrassment.'

It is how you explain their capacity, in later years, to unerringly find your vibrator and bring it out to show when your maiden aunt is visiting. "Look, a rocket!" they will proudly proclaim while making whooshing noises.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: angriest
2008-10-06 02:34 pm (UTC)
"But Daddy, don't get mad - those Dalek toys *can* go in the water. You showed me that episode with the Dalek coming out of the river at the Doctor and Mr Chesterton."
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[User Picture]From: ariaflame
2008-10-06 02:44 pm (UTC)
*grins*

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From: gutter_monkey
2008-10-06 04:58 pm (UTC)
"Lex has the uncanny ability to completely sleep through and ignore Sharon doing all sorts of noisy stuff. But should Sharon try to lay down for a sleep or rest, he will wake and want attention. He does the same thing when she eats."

You need to make a tape recording of Sharon doing noisy stuff, then play it back on loop when she wants some down time. :D
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[User Picture]From: satyapriya
2008-10-06 10:05 pm (UTC)
My kids, at ages 16 and 18, still have a "mother is sitting, proceed and de-sit" programme running. Daughter feels the need to speak to me whenever I'm watching something on telly I really want to watch. Old reruns? Nothing. A new dvd or 'Spicks'n'specks'? "Mu-um, can I blah blah blah".
When they were little, I do not think I had a whole hot meal for many years.
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[User Picture]From: battblush
2008-10-07 03:09 am (UTC)
Or on the telephone. It's like the minute I start pressing the numbers, or pick it up and say "hello?" the teens decide this is the moment when they'll break their cone of silence and start talking to me.

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[User Picture]From: battblush
2008-10-07 03:11 am (UTC)
Or do what one of my children did years ago. Find it (in a locked box!) and put it in their school bag. When I found it (quite by accident)told me it was a back scratcher and they were taking it to school for 'news'.

Gulp.
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